My Mate Bob

Play it’s final song within these walls......And I sit and watch the flashing colour’s

The machines pumping the breathe of life......Telling the moment of life so dear

On the 17th 0f October 2000, My phone rang. It was your brother Rudi. It was to be a call that completely shattered

my moment in life…The words that came from his lips destroyed and tore my heart apart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Police from Coen in Nth Queensland reported that on the 16th of October, you were on the road to Weipa,
Overtaking traffic on a short piece of sealed road, a rear tyre blew out, and you had flipped and rolled over.
~~~~~~~
The flying doctor arrived and you were flown to Cairn’s and on to Townsville and placed into Intensive care, 4th Floor.
I was on the next train Nth and in 25 hrs, I was by your side.
The journey to you was a painful one old mate, all I could think of in all those hours were that I would not get there to say “Goodbye my friend”

I walked in and saw you laying there…a vision that I shall carry around for the rest of my life, took over my whole being.

I saw what seemed yards of plastic tubing, pumping drugs, fluids, and Oxygen into you body, and all this beeping and flashing of numbers and colours
and tubes pumping and sucking - with such wonderful caring dedicated staff - checking, adjusting and adding and resetting all this life support system
that was connected, into you my friend………

I was totally stunned, locked in a Void of timelessness, taking on a catastrophic wave of hurt and pain in my heart and soul that overwhelmed me,
Experiencing emotions that I could not comprehend. As you lay there in a coma, I sit and hold your hand my mate, my tears falling on you,
the hours passing by unnoticed, Oblivious to the world outside.

I sit and study all the monitors and machines and learn the tune and the coloured patterns weaving out your life in this moment of time,
you have a full length Incision down your stomach, another on your head where I counted 13 metal staples,
they found you have a cracked c2 bone in your neck.

I squeeze your hand as I chat quietly to you, and sing you songs and stories of the great memories that we have gone through,
I place my hands on your chest, rising and falling to the ventilator breathing life into you, and feel the bubbles of fluid building up inside your lungs,
the many times I watch as they siphon them out with tubes within tubes.
You cough and gag and I tell you “it’s alright my friend, I’m here with you….hang on old mate.. It’ll be over soon”…
I hold you down as your body violently reacts, I help place a frame under you to lift you above the bed to wash and clean you, all the time talking to you,
knowing inside that you are trapped The hours pass as you have violent convulsions within the endless sleep of a Coma.
Your sweating body soaking the sheets, your heartbeat reaching up to the 150 mark…
Your temp’ soaring beyond human endurance,
I hold you and dry you, cry for you, cry for me, cry for your family, flannelling your body with ice water. time passes by..........

“Mornin’ mate”, I say in your ear as I sit beside you again, telling you I am here …not to be afraid…not to give up and not let your life waste away…
I look at the machines, playing their tune for us…the even flowing beats of your heart, the red coloured lights of the ventilator breathing life for you,
of the many times of panic as all goes wrong and the machines scream out their alert from the trauma within you.
The moments when death approaches you and I watch as you chest stops moving..your body in convulsions..
you are about to die my friend, and then with the nurses resetting and adding and manipulating the numbers.

you breathe again. I tell you “to stay cool mate, don’t leave me here like this bob..be tough man, “We can get through this shit and get out of here….
we all love you mate” I sit watching day turn into night…Watching your calmness turn into violent uncontrolled spasms..
placing you into a wind tunnel and packing ice around your body to keep your temperature down to a life-surviving limit.
And as one day turns to night and another begins…

Moments of hope and moments of fear as they try to wake you from your coma, only to find that it’s too violent and distressful for you.
You are induced deep into your sleep, again and again until another time.

“Mornin’ my friend”, I whisper in your ear…Checking the music of the machines that I have come to understand, ever vigilant by your side mate…
wiping your teary faraway eyes, like pools of blue, Wiping the sweat from your body that seems to be just pouring out of the pores of your skin,
I tell you jokes, and chat about what’s going on within these walls,

I talk of mateship and brotherly love, and wipe my endless tears that fall upon you..I watch in fear as the telltales of pain and infection set into your body,
of more rising temperatures, the instant massive sweating...sobbing to you softly that “things will be okay”…as I watch the machines….
time passes by in oblivion.

Every few hours I leave you to go out into the waiting room for a cuppa and a ciggie, out into the other ‘Void’ outside your door with relatives
and loved ones of those that lay with you, out there we are experiencing an spiritual emotional bonding,

A linking together of emotions and feelings of desperation and of the unknown of what is happening to the souls of those with broken and dying bodies
in the hands of god and machines.

I comfort a lady as she cries for her husband sinking back into a coma, like you, for the second or third time,
of the tears of distressed and shattered humans of all nationalities Religions and Colours,

I comfort a husband whose partner is losing her will to live. All of us becoming one within this void of pain.
With watching children cry their pain of loss that they cannot comprehend going on inside the walls of Intensive Care.
With sharing moments of prayer or a meal between us. To see the doctor come out and take the loved ones aside to tell them “I’m sorry,
but things are not looking good” And dreading that he may come to me.

Today they tried waking you, ‘Weaning’ as they call it….I held your hand as we got you to open your eyes, telling you

“To stay calm my mate, and try not to fight against the feeling of pain and the knowledge in what you are about to realise,”

You were given a drug that froze your muscles, but not put you back into a coma. I wipe the sweat from your body as you go into convulsions,
I clean your eyes, and looking into them, you gaze back into mine unseeing, If only I could see through your eyes my friend….
More siphoning of your lungs and your mouth, more moments of sweat and high temperatures..more moments of fear as your breathing stops.

I was warned how you may wake, some people lose control as you had done the times before, others are calm and adjust to their surrounding,
So far this time, you are not so bad, it’s still early….I find I have developed an odour from you and your surroundings,
it’s not unpleasant, but it’s not too good either,

I wash and shower and change clothes, but it’s still there, it’s the smell of semi death..

I sit here on my balcony overlooking a Million dollar view of Magnetic Island on a beautiful day,

if only you were here to share it with me. The days roll on in a void of timelessness, I sit with you up to twenty hours a day,
and talk and tell you things, funny jokes that only I laugh at…I never know if you hear me, time passes by.
I cannot describe the devastation I feel, being here with you and not being able to help you,
I imagine all the time that you will wake up and say G’day!….but that time seems so far away….I feel this moment will go on forever mate..….
each night when I leave you, I sit down on the beach and watch the waves come in and have a little cry to myself,
to prepare myself for another day with you in the hope that all this will be over and we can get out of this place, not a nice place to be….real serious shit man!
Mandy rings me, Danielle rings me, Margurite and Gerry are with you at different times of the day,
I message back and forth to Kym, our friend, to Maggie, Ashley, Kelly, Michelle....and the kids, they are all shattered in this time of your life…

The days have passed watching and studying the machines and the coloured lights, sometimes running smooth and controlled,
and other times screaming out their warnings of impending disaster, to spending time in the medical library understanding and learning what is going on with you…
you wave your fists around, kick and scream in unknown fear of what is happening inside your head,
we hold you down as you are calmed again by my words and the drugs of unconsciousness.

Sometimes the patterns play in tune…at other times, the patterns play the wrong song

Your time of waking takes me into o another stage of emotional pain and hurt in my heart as I watch you suffer in torment within your confusion,
Sometimes of an evening I sit in the pub and make my calls and have a quiet drink for us my friend, “Cheer’s bob!” I say,
as I down our drinks and head back to be by your side and hold your hand with love and hope, keeping you calm until the early hours of morning.
This moment in time is troubling me greatly, I feel my own sanity is being questioned,
I lose where I am, what I’m doing, and find myself looking for things that I don’t know what.

I exist only to be with you my dear friend, the timeless days and nights I sit and hold you, my tears never ending, running down my face and onto you,
The nurses get me your meal that you can’t eat, and I tell you how nice or horrible it was, the endless cups of tea and coffee with the biscuits
that the nurses sneak out to me, the potato cakes I have each day and sit in the garden outside the hospital,
the yuk cigarettes that I go and share with Debbie, a patient in another part of the hospital, this dear woman kept my sanity together
by being there in my times of complete breakdowns, she knows all about you, but has never met you…….
One day I shall bring her in when you’re a bit better,

When Margurite and Gerry come, I make sure your all nice and clean and comfy after messing up the bed with your uncontrolled bowels,
I leave you and let you have some family time together, sometimes I feel that I am imposing on your family, this worries me greatly…..
I’m used to the smell that has etched itself into my body, it has become part of me..

I don’t mind anymore, I am in this with you mate, We are in this together…and I find that I am somehow handling my emotions somewhat better,
time has gone by in a haze of flashing coloured lights and sounds and smells, and late at night when all is quiet and the machines play their tune of your life
with a calm beating pattern, it’s good to see when this is happening, to fine tune you to peace and serenity,
but every now and then things go wrong, and a nightmare begins everything gets out of balance,

I calm you down and get you to lower your temp and heartbeat, to control your shiver and spasms...
I dry your tears and tell you “all is ok mate, we’ll get through this and leave this place so sad and torturous.”

And once again, I wait for the patterns and colours to play your tune so I can settle down to hold you, laying my head on your arm for a few moments of sleep.
The days or is it nights pass by, the world outside still out there somewhere, it is so distant from the reality that is happening here.

Another day passes with you being woken, but again, it’s no good my old mate because of the injury to your neck,
and the tubes into your throat and down into your lungs breathing for you, you won’t keep still,
It’s so horrifying and hurtful to see you struggling in your trauma and become so distressed and violent it takes two or three Orderlies
and nurses and myself to hold you down until the drugs take you back into the abyss of a coma, back to sleep you go with a huge hit of morphine
and muscle relaxant drugs for the fourth time…..
I try to calm you and hold you, but you’re so strong,
they tie you down to the bed to stop you pulling out your tubes, wires, leads and ventilator.

It’s been a long day today mate, so shattering and distressful for us both, the feelings I have in my heart I can’t explain, it’s so deep within me,
I had a lot of cries today mate, having to turn away many times and get my shit together, it’s so hard to get one’s emotions and hurt,
under any sort of control. that I have for you my friend,

“Mornin’ mate,” I say, as I always do when I come to be by your side, but this day was to be different, today was a new stage of our life here,
today you were woken up, I looked into your eyes, you looked into mine with recognition…..
”G’day” you said in a long slow drawl pass all the tubes and leads and wires…
I asked you to squeeze my hand and you did, again I turned away, but this time with tears of overwhelming joy that you were still in there.

So now, we begin the ‘Weaning’ stage….but we have a long way to go mate, every few minutes your body and mind and body contorted
to the withdrawal of heavy drugs of Morphine and Norad and half a dozen or more other types of drugs and fluids hanging above you,
I whisper to you that “we’ll get through this shit, but only with your help man”,
I felt I was in the middle of an emotional and mental breakdown and just holding together,

It’s now three a.m., my hand and arm is aching from the pressure of you squeezing and tearing at me in the throes of violence….
And as time passed with endless hours, your cravings became further apart. with you ripping out your feed lines and wires, you hated the brace around you neck,
and I kept promising you that they were going to take it off soon.

“Mornin’ old mate” I say, my chair is waiting for me….Another day, another delirium, another day of violent reactions, of the sweats,
of the high temp's and heartbeats, but today was a good day…..you are still so spaced out I gave you the name of ‘Spaced out Cowboy’…
I’m terribly worried you may not come back my friend.

We chatted and rambled on, we talked sense and we talked a bit of shit, of hopes and wishes, of dreams that I felt will never come true,
but most of the time you were with me and from experiences of the psychedelic we connected and stayed in communication…
And now they remove the tubes from you lungs and throat to see if you can breathe on your own…
after studying you I came to the opinion that there has been damage done inside your head my friend,

“Mornin’ Dude” I say to you, and tell you the good news, all the wires and leads and tubes have been removed, we were off to Neuro Science,
a ward for people with brain injuries….a good sign I s'pose, but we’ll see mate…they settled you in and I took my place by your side,
Marguerite and Gerry came so I went and had a sleep in the waiting room, the day went by in a modes of frustration and anger for you
as you tried many times to rip off the neck brace and remove the small breathing tubes in your nose, I made you realise that this was serious shit here,
and you must listen to me and do as I asked you, you had a bone cracked in your neck that can be healed, but you must leave the brace on,
and if you take the nose hose off you’ll find it hard to breathe, there was only a gash in your heel and a small crack in your wrist,
and you understood and settled back for a while longer,…We chatted and had a few giggles and every now and again

I would wait until you came back to me to continue on, going through all the questions of where we were and what was happening,
we would continue on until you faded away from me again, this was about twenty minutes to half an hour each hour,….
then we would have a bit more of a chat and a few more giggles..

We were in a couple of days that I felt we could really get through this, you were at your ‘sort of best’, but still completely out of it on the drugs you’d been given,
I felt I had you together a short space of time each hour and getting better as time passed over these two or three days,
the rest was spent with a form of Astral Travel, some sleep, some wandering, some aggro, caused by trying to take off your brace or air hose up your nose,
or the drip they had to feed you, they really pissed you off man!, I managed to get my fingers in and give you a bit of a scratch,
you loved getting a good all over scratch.

And while I’m sitting there, we chatted away, “Gee, I’ve seen and known a lot of eyes like yours, just not as far out as you are man..” I said,
and then I ask “what’s happening inside mate, tell me what you see?” and you lay there spaced out so much, it’s immeasurable,
but you tell me of all the lovely bright colours around you, and the big bubbles floating about you, you tell me of places where you are,
of people and happenings here and somewhere else in another time, and sometimes there are things you see that aren’t so nice and colourful,
and I tell you think and see Waterfalls and Rivers…to see Cape Tribulation and the mighty Barron falls,
to see the Daintree Rainforest that we’ve been to and partied on, and see Dolphins and Waves and catching those Big Barra’s…
and see your Mum & Dad and Rudi and Mary and the children….to see Marguerite and Gerry and family, to only see friends and nice things mate….
and you smiled at me as I wipe away my tears, and you told me with a smile,

“ I can see lots of cool stuff, and it’s ok man, I can also see your tears too..!” you say and squeeze my hand.

I ask you if you’re in pain, and you say “no..” with a smile and a”hee hee”

I ask if you’re frightened, and you smile in thought and say “ Hmmm, I’ll have to think on that one!”

And then you tell me “ I’m concerned, and I know this is serious shit here, but I’m not frightened, and everything’s cool,”

Remember I asked you “ you know just how spaced out you are, don’t you mate?” I said give us count between one and ten, and you said with a wide smile…. “About a 100!”….and you laugh.. “hee hee” and make me feel sort of envious.

But I saw no door in the ceiling mate, nor were you in other parts of the Country at different times and year’s, and there were no big Bud Number’s to suck on,
only my hand that you brought up to your mouth, to use as a joint, and shared it saying “good shit man! really good shit!”
and it was good when you remembered things and reality had returned for a short time.

I never stopped asking you if you were in pain, if you were comfy, I was holding your other hand and squeezing you and you yelled in pain,
“ where’s the pain mate, tell me and I’ll have it stopped…tell me,” and you looked at me and said:

“ let go my hand!!! let go my hand” ..OOPS! I forgot all the needles and leads going in there...hee hee..

But I couldn’t give you a cold beer my friend, as you couldn’t take in any thin liquid as it would only end in your lungs and not your belly.
and I couldn’t let you out of bed, and what seemed like a million other things I couldn’t let you do.

But the bad times to have you struggling against me, tore my heart out mate, asking you to understand that this was real serious shit going on here,
and that this is where it was all happening mate, and when I got through to you, you’d settle back down, your body would stop shivering,
and I’d wipe all the sweat from you and quietly sit down to watch you sleep.

It’s now evening and I’m sitting out on the balcony looking at a beautiful night coming on…watching the huge fruit bats flapping about the hospital buildings,
had a cuppa and some tea, and now write a few lines to you.

I’ve had to start looking after myself a bit more as I finally admitted to myself I was going downhill from mental, emotional, and physical exsertion.
and now that your family was here I had thoughts of leaving, I felt I was imposing on them in some way…
Well my friend, for the first time I am not by your side, 10:30pm sitting here having coffee on the balcony trying to find your window in Neuro
out of the hundreds I could see ….

I sit here and write out a couple of pages from today’s happenings, and I think of how you are at this stage,
I told you I felt you were just over 40%, and getting better by the hour…
We communicate really good most of the time now, you understand how spaced out you are at times,
and you have good recall on events and times and people I throw at you…

Your learning to control the waves of craving your body screams out for…for 30 seconds or so I completely lose you…
but you also understand what has and is happening sometimes, You chatted on my mobile to Mandy and Maggie and Kym,
But you’re still reaching for the colours and the bubbles and the door that’s not there…or maybe the door is really there, but I don’t see it…
you tell me it’s all in a twin parallel…could you be right?

Your manner with me is pleasantly very very stoned, humerous, obeying nearly all the time…I made you understand the things you can and cannot do…
even though you were really aggro’ at the staff, I feel that they just took the wrong tack with you…
don’t get me wrong mate, the staff here in Neuro are wonderful intelligent and educated people that place themselves in a fair amount of hardship
to help put people back together, but can’t give full-on attention to you….I can.

And most may not have had the experience of connecting with another mind that which has been affected by a similar Psychedelic, Acid-type,
Hypnotic Mushrooming, Mind Blowing Full-on Trip! So I understand how you tick mate,
I understand how you think, your character, your personality, most of all...your psyche....
not forgetting your normal straight mental attitude to what ever the surrounding influences may be,

I have never been this emotionally close to another Human in my life and understand him as well as I understand you, my friend,
you have always been my mate Ro’bit, but at this moment of time when a lot of, shall we say ‘quirky things’ {da da da da, da da da da…are happening,
like being here in Townsville, a place where we first met 24 yrs ago, which gave me a fearful thought I may lose you here!…

You must be really sick of looking and listening to me every day and night, when you were in a coma and I was chatting and singing to you,
a thought went through my mind that just maybe, you were screaming out from in there for me to shut up and piss off for awhile!” hee hee’
But I listened outside when your Mum sang to you and you chatted and laughed…

You’re a bit slow to get started….but by Arvo’ we had things cruisin…good chat back and forth, best yet ..the family came in to see you….
I have a chat with them, and with each of them….they really do love you man, so very very much…I saw and felt this with my whole soul and being……
you’re Mum singing to you was lovely, spiritual, but very sad…I sat by your side and held onto your hand…so many positions there are to hold one’s hand…
managed to get some gross food into you…..the grossest mixes of unknown whatever in little containers…..

I fed you little spoons of Chocolate Coloured sort of smelling stuff, Pink wet Playdo, Orange Cordial that was the texture of Oil, but it was all nice and cold,
I tasted it all, and made you think it was good shit!……”hee hee” I say…

I fed you, we chatted, help change your bed and the get rid of the ‘smelly bits’, give your back a good scratch…takes three people to scratch your back mate….
how lazy can you get? You wanted to get up and go to the dunny, cool….but not yet,
I convinced you it was cool to do it in the bed, you smiled at that…
she’ll be right mate.

From 3pm to 6:30pm is the best you’ve ever been dude…
I even asked could we get you into a wheel chair and outside where you can see the ocean and the island….Castle hill and people….
green trees and lovely blue skies…maybe in a day or so they said…And I just happen to be next to you when Mandy rang.....sweet mandy,
such a beautiful lady’s heart being ripped apart, Shattered for eternity with the memory of all this, she’s taking it all pretty hard my friend,
you have a lot of friends and family out here suffering so much hurt and pain, and they all love you, I’ve had to be straight with Mandy mate,
We talk in the quiet of the night, and cry together.. she sends her special love to you…
I was so glad I had that little tiny piece of technology that linked us with the world outside,
This was so cool mate….I held the mobile to your ear……
You lasted a little while and started to drift…..but that was fantastic…we just need to get better from here and we’ll walk out of this place…..
singing to you…”We gotta get outa this place, if it’s the last thing we ever do” and you joined in for a couple of lines…..cool,
you’re doing really well today, hope we don’t go backwards. I feel the connection we have at times is a positive thing .......

Remember you said… “You gotta be where it’s happening man…” and I said “ Well, this is really fkn happening here man!,

This is the biggest Gig ever put together mate..and your it!”…you laughed..”hee hee”

I know it makes you a bit tired, and when you fall asleep, I sit and hold your hand, keep a cool cloth on your head to keep your temp down,
wipe your dribble and moisten your eyes which are open, but not seeing some of the time…massage your feet and your legs and arms….
It’s so easy to shed a tear when you smile mate…Went and had a chat to Debbie out on the Verandah,

{One of the few the secret Ciggie spots that no-one’s supposed to know about, but everybody does….haha}

Bought her up to date on how things are, what a wonderful lady, she’d round in Orthopaedic with and eye stitched up….
she’s 40 odd, been around….and around, loves the lager, and fancies the ladies….but all I see is a beautiful human being that is here giving me support,
the times she has held me when I lose it and become a blubbering mess…the many cuppa’s and ciggies….

I feel a Déjà vu happening….right down to the first time I walked in at I.C.U…

Tonight went ok for a while…but then a nightmare began..The Vision before me was of the violent uncontrolled, unbalanced mind of my friend.
Everything was cool, until you tried to get out of bed, I found that today when I wasn’t there, you ripped out your lines, tore the bandage off your head,
and when I came in there were nurses and orderlies trying to get you to lay down and get control of yourself before they did…
You swung out and thumped whoever was in the way and told the nurse to get fkd, and called her a bitch!….Uncool mate……
But this is how it is in Neuro Science, my friend…..I have learnt that most accident victims behave this way,
coming out of all the horror and damage to the system….this really blew me away man…
You started getting up and I pleaded with you to lay down as you’d do yourself some serious shit.
I told you one wrong move and the cracked bone in your neck could kill you.

In a blink of an eye, you started to yell and scream at me…..I grabbed you and forced you down, while you were yelling and screaming at everybody…
Through masses of tears, I said “This is real serious man…you gotta listen me”and over the next hour or so we calmed down, brought your temp’ back a bit…
cooled you off…you stopped the shiver on your own this time…

But it was not to be mate….again more pleading and crying with you…Manipulating your mind to make you believe you wanted to do as I say…
I sit and tell you “I’m here mate, right here holding your hand bob….stay calm friend, and dream of the nice things.”
and watch you go through these deliriums a few more times in the night, After such a good day today…now this…
It came to getting a doctor to you to give you a shot to settle you down…for a while it worked,

We chatted and you realised what you did was uncool, my friend. I called the nurse in and you apologised to her. that was really nice…..
This calmness and peace lasted nearly twenty minutes…The staff sent Orderlies to take control of you…they looked like pub bouncers mate…..
“you don’t want to fk with them” I said quietly in your ear.

I told them to wait outside unless I needed them, I didn’t want them to cause stress you don’t need mate….
Time after time over the next 5 / 6 hour's I’d settle you back down, after the massive instant sweats and the high temp and shivering…

As soon as I left the room for a cuppa, you started getting out of bed and pulling at your lines…
you kept trying for the door in the roof, or wanting to change the twenty amp fuse in the light…or to stack the boxes in the corner, that weren’t there….
but we handled things pretty good old mate…. What’s a bit of stress in this place…..by one thirty in the morning I was completely exhausted and drained,
and couldn’t keep it together no more…..in the middle of the last turn,

I walked out and had to let the Orderlies do it their way…..It tore my heart out my friend, to hear you screaming and losing it real bad in there…..
I went down and sat on the beach for a while….and had a very painful cry..I felt I was losing you my friend….things weren’t going too well….
the big Gig was starting to fall apart.

T.G.H.~Neuro Science Unit

The twin parallels that you spoke of, was surfacing in all it’s horror..with a blink of an eye you went from jeckle to hyde…
Yet at times in the day we connected really good and everything was under control…we laugh and chat about all sorts of stuff,
I keep asking you the questions of the Brain Damaged, “Where are you mate?…how many fingers up?
And we have no problems…but of a night when things are calm and quiet…..things go wrong…
I was talking to some one in your body….and then the old Bob would drift back in…I checked and made you comfy as possible…cooled you down,
and try to sneak out as you stare blankly at the ceiling and mumble away with whomever….

But then you sit up and want to open the window…I lay you back on the bed and put the fan on, feed you some nice cold orange stuff,
and give you a scratch inside your brace and back….a few more minutes and we go again….your strength is unnatural mate…
I fully understand that this wasn’t you…but the craving and the damage that’s been caused…
It is now 2 am, sitting on the balcony, writing down today’s happening while it’s fresh in my mind…not good…
I cry for the torment and anguish you must be going through….I know Greg, the Orderly is forcibly holding you
down as they tie you to the bed, and tape mittens on your hands…I know you are yelling and screaming abuse at the staff and Orderlies…
and as much as this pains me, I must let them get you under control…for your own safety…as well as mine…
but I’m not giving up on you mate, tomorrow {today} is another day…

sleep well if you can.

T.G.H.~Neuro Science Unit

“Mornin Ro’bit!” I say, taking my place next to you….Today we chat between the uncontrolled moments….and you tell me that the colours aren’t so bright,
and the bubbles are fewer than before….It is torturing your body and mind, I know this,
I feel this my friend….I really thought we were progressing……I am sadly wrong….I am going to see the Doctors today and get
answers to my questions…. Explanations for the lay-man was not enough for me…I must know infinite details….
I must know more about what is going on here..I spent time in the hospital library and studied all there was to know about Brain Damage,
Pulmonary Embolisms…frontal, Parietal lobes, and the damage that can result from such injuries…

Night bob…..

T.G.H.~Neuro Science Unit
A beautiful Morning has begun mate….
Having Breaky on the balcony looking at a million-dollar view and watching the day being born, Exactly 2 weeks since your Accident mate….
what shall today bring us…a cup of coffee, a ciggie and I’m on my way over to you….
~~~~
It’s a nice lovely warm breezy evening..Well, not too bad a day I spose….got a bad feeling though..
You didn’t remember who Rudi was….and forgot that your Mum had been to see you..and you seemed so down…
At least your eating a bit of the slushy stuff, Mum and family came in and brought you a tape player,
a card from Marguerite and Maggie and Kelz had arrived, I read them out to you a few times…

We took some time to handle our bad moments of ripping off bandages and lines, pulling out the metal staples in your head.
We had a meeting today about your future, trying to get you transferred to Brissy again…and then Maggie rang for a quick chat with you…..
and Geoff from Melbourne…and then Kym..for a few moments until things started happening…
More uncontrolled momentary lapses of reason....was a long day my friend...i'm really tired..
Sleep my friend….

T.G.H.~Neuro Science Unit~
8:30 am.
Lovely day, but I’m not feeling too crash hot…your problems seem to be catching…I’m having trouble getting my shit together…keep losing where I am,
what I’m doing…or where’ I’m going….my head is just not where it should be my friend…..I need to somehow normalise myself…
I haven’t looked after myself….tell everyone I do,…but….

I woke with pain in my chest and slightly disoriented..but this is a brand new day…so we get on with it…
I think of how my kids are, how Maggie is worrying her heart out about me handling all of this…..
Kelz is so upset having her uncle bob in this situation…how our mate Kym, is handling this,
We send many messages back and forth to each other, and a couple of times I have rung him in the middle of the night reverse charges,
to pour my heart out and cry to him…he is such a great friend…….
Marguerite and Gerry come in each day a couple of times and sit with you…so shattered, so much pain around here….
your family go home today…glad they saw you at your best….sort of…
night mate…..

T.G.H.~Neuro Science Unit

“Mornin mate?” I say as I check you over….well, decisions were made today to get you to Brissy hospital…in about 10 days if things are stable and other factors.
I was offered a fully furnished flat for nothing, but I want to stay here near you…just in case….Had you in an armchair for a while today…
The physio and I tried standing you up for a few seconds…seven actually,
but the effort was a bit much…and you are still away somewhere a good part of the time…

Today it was Laverack Barracks…back in the 70s….or Geelong in Victoria..then it was somewhere else in the 80s……or chatting to people somewhere….
they let me take off the mittens and stuff, as long as you behave….cool, your completely disconnected from everything, I s'pose, in more ways than one mate…
the day passed in moments of shivers and temperatures…
but it was ok….
I’ve been studying this stuff deeply, very involved shit mate…
At one stage I put the headphones on you and you sang out loud listening to the songs….we connected for awhile and you were triggered by some music
about the Accident, I asked you if you want to talk about it…..you did…

So we went through the whole thing, right up to now…and then we agreed to leave it in the past…
We had a good chat today……you even ate a bit of that yummy sweet gunk food as well,….
But I feel it is going to be a long haul friend…but,we’ll get through this somehow,
you and me mate…“we gotta get outa this place!”

I went for some tea, and came back to sit with you for a few hours, most of the time you sort of ‘open eyes’ slept….…you seemed peaceful enough,
so I sneaked out for an early night, told the staff to keep a closer eye on you and left…

Night mate…

T.G.H.~Neuro Science Unit
8:30am
“Mornin Dude?”. Today is not a good day my friend, you seem to be going backward, but I gave you some breaky and we got you into the shower
and I gave you a good soaping and a scratch…even had your brace off for a minute or two…then settled you in for the day….
we chatted about Timothy today my mate…painful for you…
when he’s old enough, I shall have a long talk with him and tell him how great a guy his dad is,
love it when you smile….I see my old mate bob each time beaming out from beneath it all…The speech therapist came…
things are not looking too good dude!…seems you have trouble getting your food down…you have pain your tummy…in your chest…
so your food intake was stopped for a time….and then the physio came by and we started on your excersises…
we stood you up for a second or two, but all hell broke loose….you collapsed on the bed and went into a massive hyper and had trouble breathing….
full on sweats and convulsions and shivers…..this time we had problems calming you….

Doctors came rushing in and slammed needles into you left and right....like a convention mate..
What the fk’s going on here?….

A possible blood clot was suspect, so you went down for a ct scan,
Marguerite and Gerry had arrived so we waited on the verdict.

2:30pm
Not good my friend….you have not one, but many blood clots in your body, and part of one of these clots broke off and went up through your heart
and spread into your lungs…serious shit mate….and to top it all off, while you were in scanning, you suffered multiple heart attacks,
you had to be zapped and back to life, more than once…Decisions were made and we are on our way back to Intensive Care……
fkng hell!

We chatted, but you were getting worse…another operation through the same opening in your belly, another scan…
and then the Doctor’s called Marguerite, Gerry, and I was called to a conference.

Bad news my friend,….shattering actually…there is a drug they can try to break up the clots, but not dissolve them, it can save your life,
or it can help to destroy you….it was used and over the next hour things were looking good…another scan was done…and another meeting was called…
Now, your brain was starting to bleed, I think you are going to die my friend…
there has been significant brain damage mate....more than you wanted to handle….much more…

I had made you promises my friend, promises I must keep…regardless of the repercussions and consequences,
And the effect it may have on my future…The doctor told us it would be a matter of hours and we would lose you….I fell apart….
I lost complete control of my mental and Emotional faculties…we came in to see you, but I couldn’t get it together enough and went out to see Debbie…
I collapsed and crumpled to the floor, the pain and the hurt was unbearable….
never in my life have I felt anything like this…the knowledge that you were going to die on me ripped my guts out,
I was a total mess mate…
I couldn’t imagine life without you, popping in at anytime or ringing to say “Ahhhh G’day”

I felt empty, lost, numb, I wanted to throw up…

God help me…I rang Kym and cried to him, of the impending loss of our friend…

I sat with Marguerite and Gerry next to you and we told you to hang in there bob…told you that everyone loved you…
that I was here for you my friend…..don’t leave me man…4:30am…..I leave you and come back to my room and pass out.

My dear mate and friend, I fear I am losing you

goodnight mate…

T.G.H.~Intensive Care Unit

8:00 am… your still with us mate…you look so peaceful asleep in your induced coma,..hooked and wired up to the life support…time passes by….
you are having a blood transfusion…..the wire and tubes are back in your head…

we are having a bad day…..
I don’t even want to talk about it…….

~~~~~~
10 pm they are taking you to put in a special blood clot filter in your chest to stop the clots getting through to your heart……
we pray it works my friend……
~~~~
3:10 am….we waited in the waiting room with other poor souls in their moment of pain and suffering….you came back from theatre…not looking too crash hot…
out like a light and cold….even though you were covered in sweat….cleaned you up and tried to keep you cool,….a sister came and told us what had been done…..we listened…we cried…
they said they would try to wake you in the morning….I had to be there….but this time I was not so positive…I’ll be there mate…as always….
I just hope that after all this trauma, you still know me….I sat by your side and watched you deteriorate through my eyes…..I’m trying so hard to keep it together…this has effected me enormously,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have no past experience in ways of dealing with this…..I am so down, so alone with myself…how do other’s handle this?
….
We were even discussing your Funeral mate,
You wanted to be cremated and your ashes spread up in the rainforest…..not end up in a box and eaten by the worms…
Oh my god, what are we talking about? What do I do here?…how do I control the emotions and hurt that I have in my body….
I have never ever felt this before…the words flowing from one to another….

I have met so many lovely warm people here…the staff, The Orderlies, the Doctor’s, and tonight when I came back to my room, Arend,
a doctor came and told me he was the one that brought you back to life the night before….we sat and talked of the massive heart attacks you had,
Now we look down on you with all the tubes to drain off the pressure in your head, wires to monitor the pressure..bubbles of fluid sloshing your lungs…
another tube in your stomach to feed you…tubes in your lungs to make you breathe and empty the fluid build up.…
leads, wires, needles and pumps going to keep you alive once more…
just as it was in the beginning…

but this time it’s worse,

night mate, sleep tight…

T.G.H.~Intensive Care Unit

8:00 am……..Had a bad night last night mate, I think it was a Vision, a Vision within a dream…I woke in a sweat from things I saw….
you were walking along beside me with my old dog Buddha, you never spoke, you were just there,…and you were smiling…
and my old dog Buddha that had died many years ago, was happy and running along side you,
both of you silent, but happy and calm….

Today you seem to be fairly stable mate, Critically stable I called it..
I sit with you and help to look after you…you wake and look up at me…your arms go around my neck,
I see tears in your eyes, I had just told others again down south, that maybe there was one slight chance you might make it…
but I was wrong again…your brain started to swell beyond the maximum danger limit…I was looking at a dying human being…
my friend and my mate was dying….these thoughts exploded in my head and my heart…this emotional roller coaster I’m on never seems to stop..
and like a globe glows bright before it blows…..you popped, panic came in the form of Doctors and Nurses…

things were done, added, changed, recalculated, turned up, turned down, switched on and off, The Doctor called a meeting….
Everything was going wrong….your kidneys were giving up…your lungs were bubbling with fluid…
your heart isn’t beating strong to keep the blood moving fast enough through your network of veins and arteries.

~~~~~~~~~~~`
I spent the rest of the day watching the coloured lines weave out their pattern of your life….time passed…..
Helped wash and change your bed…scratched your back and kept cleaning, cooling your body with a wind tunnel and ice packs to keep your temp down….
but nothing was working, I whispered in your ear to let go mate, you looked up at me, tears in your eyes…lifted yourself up, put your arms around my neck,
and said “Thanks for being here man” You knew there has been too much damage for you to live with,….it was a very long day my friend……
I rang Marguerite and told her she had better come in.
I had given up on you my friend,…….I knew from the Vision…I was never to talk to you again, nor see you smile and give me a G’day….
and a laugh..”hee hee”

T.G.H.~Intensive Care Unit

2:02 am 6th of November 2000

I held you for your last moments my friend, I cried for you...for your son....for me...
At 2:02 your heart stopped beating under my hand….and what felt like an incredible force....flew from your body into mine...
I was so scared....this was something outside the square mate....
It knocked me off my feet....in front of Med Staff...waiting for your Official time of death to be noted.

My dear friend of 24 years…
I met you in this town, and now I lose you here…
.
I felt this would end this way, and I wasn’t on my own, Marguerite and Rudi had similar type of Visions…
Two lives that I loved dearly had now left me….your body was too infected and damaged to fight on for you…your kidneys had stopped working,
and your heart was not strong enough to pump the blood around your system, your lungs were too full of fluid to breathe the Oxygen that was pumped into you…Moments before your heart stopped,
I felt what I could only call a vibration, pass in to me.

They removed all the tubes and wires and leads, washed and shaved you and combed your hair…
we sat by your side…as always I held your hand….but this time it was cold in death…
I was never again to feel you squeeze my hand, or to hear you say “G’day”
I hurt beyond comprehension my friend…so deep, so painful, a chunk of you has been ripped from my heart…
why has this happened…I am left with a pain that will remain with me for eternity…

But we have our memories of good times, and of good chats that we had in good moments of your consciousness,
Your family has given me permission to have your ashes mate, and I shall head Nth and spread your ashes over the Rainforest that you love…
a place of peace and fond memories….

Goodbye old friend…for this is the last time…..Love you man!…..

Your mate…..Phill.

6th of November 2000

With Many Heartfelt Thanks To The Staff & Doctor’s of The Intensive Care Unit
Townsville General Hospital

For trying to save my Friends life
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Barrett {Social Worker}For supplying my needs…Debbie Byers, For her comfort and understanding…
My dear friend Kym Wallen, for being there for me in my time off pain and hurt.
My Family, for understanding my love for a mate….
Thankyou for all your help and sympathy.

My Journey home
At the entrance to Townsville Station, I stopped…..looked back in tears, and said “Goodbye mate”
And sat and waited for my train journey home.
I really thought that at one stage there may have been a chance for you to be here with me.
I went up to the end of the platform where it was quiet and sat on my own waiting,
~~~~~~~~~~
It was then that this guy shuffled up to me and sat next to me and started a conversation…..
“Hi, I’m John, how ya goin?
“ Been better!” I said, not really feeling up to having a conversation with anyone.
“You wanna have a chat?” he said,
I told him I wasn’t very cheerful company at the moment,
I looked up and looked into his eyes..
They were pools of blue…
In his slurred speech, he went on…….
“I was in an accident a couple of years ago, and in a Coma for a while, and this is how I am now!”
I was stunned, here was this guy in the condition of how Bob may have been, ..had he survived…..I didn’t know who he was,
I’d never seen him before in my life, or where he came from.. he was just ‘There’.

“Sure, …sit down mate” I said.

And he told me his story of how he used to be, how physical his life had been before the accident,
The time he spent in Hospital, the hassles and the problems he went through, the pain and hurt his family and loved ones went through..
I asked him was he happy?

“Sometimes I think back and maybe life would have been best if I hadn’t survived,
But I had a friend that helped me through it all… And I still have a drink, and I smoke,
and I get myself in a bit of trouble now and again…I shuffle along and I forget I can’t jump or step over things any more, and fall flat on my face…
and that caused a real strain on our Marriage”
Me and the wife split up as I couldn’t be the husband and lover I wanted to be,

I looked at this chap sitting next to me, he was about forty years old, pot bellied, quite a big bloke,
with a peaceful and friendly face…Tears came and rolled down my cheek.
“It’s ok mate…I understand your pain..” he said, placing his hand on my mine.
We chatted for a while until the train came….

Don’t know what happened to him…..he was just… ‘Gone…

Coming down on the train, I was sitting having a quiet drink in the bar, when I felt this hand on my arm,
A lady about my age with such a friendly face and an accent had sat next to me.

“ Don’t be alarmed love, but I get Visions…and I had to come and talk to you,”
She then says to me..“You have a friend with long hair and a beard..”
I said I used to, he just died in Intensive Care..”

And then she tells me.…..“ Your friend is here now, he’s right here with us, and he’s saying to you…
“Thanks for being their man!” She said, and then she told me, he’s saying “Everythings cool, Thanks Phill!..”
With tears in my eyes, I looked at her and she smiled a peaceful smile, and she was gone…

I asked the guy on my other side that I’d been chatting to if he saw her,
“Yeh mate…….she was sittin right there..”
I searched a few of the carriages to find her…she wasn't on the train.

It is now near the end of November, your funeral was on the 13th, one day before my birthday,
I’m so glad it wasn’t on my birthday…It was a nice low-key ceremony with family and friends, very painful for all concerned…
After the ceremony, I went and sat next to you, knocked on your Coffin and told you…“I’m here my friend”…
We had a private talk and a last laugh…The pain will always be in my heart mate.
I will always remember you….

Time has passed by…it is now March 2001, the pain of your loss is always with me, many things are triggering
The sound of a voice, The many photo’s, taken in good times, The ring of the phone,
expecting your voice to say “Aghhh G’day!” Anything to do with Hospitals upset me greatly…..
The memories flood in at any time..when does this cease?

More time has passed..it is now July 2001, 7 months since you have been gone my friend….
nothing has changed within me, The pain is there each day mate.. the visions of you in Intensive Care.

September mate……Just getting over a bit of a breakdown and a heart attack…..
So now my emotional state is being controlled,
I got pills for this and pills for that..
My Darling Maggie is so stressed with worry for me…
I love her so…..But all is cool my friend……

Oct 10th 2001……Maggie and I are travelling up as I did alone….
A year ago, but this time it will be to remember you, and thank some people, but most of all to try to accept your loss and get on with my life,
You will always be in my heart and my memory mate..

Miss you so much my friend….

The journey was pleasant, Maggie and I went to all the places that you and I had been to and I sprinkled some of your ashes in each place mate,
all the rivers and waterfalls, places where we just sat and chatted, I’m afraid it was a futile journey, nothing has changed…I am in so much pain of your loss…
time passes……

It is now September 2002-10-02.............Another year goes by…and nothing has changed
I’ve been on so many pills for depression and such…nothing seems to be able to even slightly fog the memories
there’s not a day that doesn’t go by with out you in my thoughts mate

I hurt so much, any second of the day I go to tears, and the pain in my heart is unbearable at times,
I try to keep it to myself, I try not to bother Maggie or my family with it…How does one accept loss and pain and go on with their life?…
I’m not blaming you at all mate, but my life is really fucked man..I need help here…
I have so many memories in my head from my early life that I have to blank out and handle, but it’s nothing compared to this………

Here I am at 55 years, Probably got another 15/20 years to go yet….got to do something…been told so many times to see a Counsellor, may have to..
never wanted anyone in my head…and I can’t see how someone else can help me,
Apart from relating to my problem maybe…I don’t know, some times I worry about my sanity..I haven’t turned to drink…so that’s good,
always got my Choof handy….that I feel has helped me keep things together a bit…the pills sort of helped..

but their just not working..

November 13th.....2002…nearly 2 years have gone by…Nothing has changed
doesn’t seem to matter what or where I am…people talk of ‘Triggers’….a song, a word, a vision, I don’t need a ‘trigger’
It just happens….huge waves of sadness take over my mind, my heart…
never thought that a painful memory could be physically painful…..

November 13th 2002……2 years ago today was your funeral…….
I sit here, your ashes in my hand, your photo,
God, I miss u man,

November 13th 2003........mmmmmmmm 3 years old mate, not a good time...no comment.

November 13th.....2004....4 years ago today my friend.....again I sit here with your ashes in my hand, your photo...
I was sitting here the other night and what seemed to be a message came to me....

Soon.....I must see your son Timothe...
You gave me something to hold at the moment of your passing...
I feel it was your soul....is this what I must pass on to your son?....
Then will I be released from all this pain....and let you go....

April 2005....Slowly...very slowly..the pain is easing...as long as i don't think...

July mate...guess what?..they just had Pink Floyd playin live in hyde park man....
Ole Bob Geldeff, teeth an all put a world wide LIVE8 on..
just like he did way back mate..
But floyd mate...wow...for a bunch of grandpa's..they did 'Wish You Were Here'
All on Big Giant Screens all over the world...

shithot man..

November 4th 2005.........Ugh...really thought i was handling this ok.....as I said last post, 'IF I don't think'..
You've been gone five years now...seems like yesterday sometimes..
I finally went and seen this guy, a hypnotherapist...
hmmm, not impressed, nice chap to talk to...
but i can't go opening up to just anyone, letting them into my head, just not done old mate...
Whoever I see has to show me something to prove he can help me..
So now i've seen two so called psychics.....they mean well...

And Dave's (maggie's bro) getting married again man...this time..he's done the right thing, tried to warn him last time...duhh
So we are off to Melb on the 27th Nov...big day Dec 3..hoot hoot...

January 2006...HAPPY NEW YEAR MATE...shit hey..time flies wot...
well..what's happened...lots really...not sure if you had anything to do with it or not.....
Can't go too deep into it yet...but i think a door has opened my friend..remember that door?
well it is there dam ya....so...all i think is good...later...
Timothe is fine....be proud....back another time..ooroo

April 2006...Dammm...bit of catchin up to do...1st...good news..

Our Ashley is finally gettin hitched mate...wow..how bout that dood...we were a bit worried he'd never leave home..hahahah
lovely girl too...nice christian lady he's known for years....they've always been in love..everyone knew it...cept them...
so..roll on july....oh....his suit mate....it's bright yellow...green shirt...hmmmm...hahaha

Daves wedding went neat.....what a woman and a half he's got...definately under the thumb mate..haha, good people...
their moving up here soon...that be cool...daves hair is grey/white now..damm, gettin on mate..
Saw the rallies...ole mans gone...mums gone..just me marlene left now...shit hey...I'm 59 this year mate...

Now...re my last post [january]...things are a bit slow..communication is happening..
We are all learning how life was and will be my mate...And truths have come into focus ...all very serious stuff...
But I just want you to know...Past is past my friend, Timothe & his Mum are ok...and there is a special time coming...
It's gonna blow us all away...BUT....it will be all good mate....for everyone....
I shall be able to get on with my life...
I haven't let you go yet see..
You know that...
I remember telling you to 'let go' that time in ICU huh?....and you did, well...out in this void..it's not so easy....
No pools of blue out here mate...

*******************************
Ughhhh..now some bad news..
Been a bad time mate...just out of hospital, not good...had another collapsed lung, two weeks in hospital..this was a bad one mate...that's the 5th now.....
all pretty worried of comin home on this one...
Had an Op done on my lung, chopped bits off...resewn them...ugh..pain...
left a few holes and more stitches here and there.
God...the pain is unbelievable, and even being in hospital was bad enough...
Heaps of morphine and other drugs....mind floating off into voids of past with door's in roof's and talking shadows.....
with scary deep holes echoing with the laughter of our voices..
*******************************
Well heaps of pain and pills later..I'm home with maggie...all is ok...i'll get through this...pain is unreal..pills help..
Michelle is fine...kid's are growing up..she's got herself a good bloke..
Kelly...ugh...still lots of feral in her mate...wonder where the effin hell she got that? ..hahahahah she's got a couple of girls..
all is well mate...and now the boy ashley.....lifes ok mate...
*******************************
I miss you so....i'm still a mess...might go back on the drugs for depression...at least the masked this grief for a while..
Haven't heard from family for a bit.....no drama's..a lot of people read this...so no need for contact I spose....
makes it a little easier...
*******************************
What am I doin lately..not much...should be doing more...still running my websites...trying help people in different ways....
Got a good website now, had www.littleozzybloke.com a while..Best is www.fairbloodydinkum.com
Neat huh...how aussie is that mate? Discussion and Support..all good stuff..got a good team working on it 24/7 with me..
and now my blogs online, god...everyone has a bloody blog these days..The Blog of Fairbloodydinkum mate!
*******************************
Wots goin on in Oz and places bout the planet, not lookin to good lately...
We got terrorism and bombs goin off..wars all over the world...
Why don't you talk to your boss up there and tell him to pull his finger out and stop all the crap..
*************
Heaps of Cyclones up north, gettin real serious with all this climate change goin on...
Barron Falls would look awesome mate...
seeya....

October 22 - 2006........Time flies what? howyagoinmate orrite?..lifes still going on, got over the lung trouble,
So..just take it easy now..
Went up to Hervey Bay with Maggie to shelles place they have there now,
checked out a whale watching trip..neat stuff...
Everything is pretty quiet at the mo...wars are still on here and there...the future of oz don't look too shit hot mate.
Okeedoky...just catching up my friend....

December 25 - 2006........Merry xmas mate....another year nearly gone.....alls well my friend..At least here in oz..
There's bloody wars and bombs going off around the planet...
Terrorists blowin up places and people, planes, trains and automobiles...sick stuff dude..your not missing anything there..
Ooroo pal

January 10 - 2007........HAPPEE NEW YEAR PAL..well, here we are in the new year...
All settled down from the xmas hoo har....so, whats goin on this way...mmm...michelle is preggars...all good..
grandkids are really adding up mate..haha..me with all these grandchildren...
maggies ok...life is good with us...we make a good pair this lady an me...been a long time now...

I miss ya like heaps bob..i never forget you..never will my good friend...the pain of your loss is slowly healing..
but dam man...it is so slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....some days...ughhhhh, but life must go on..as we know it.

The Delltones are still doing the rounds of the rsl's..hahaha..good ole rock n roll, by a bunch of good ole rockin rollers..
went and seen a pink floyd tribute...not bad....
Rodger Waters is comin out for a full on concert....neat shit....

Well...thats it for now bud.....haven't heard from...anyone....
One day....you take care bro..

August 26 - 2007
Hows it goin bloke? Well time flies when ya havin fun...
so..whats been goin on then...
I've just been to a friends (Garth) funeral for his dear old mum.
I spent the week with him....helping keep his shit together to handle it all...
It was a heavy time getting things ready to say goodbye to a Mother...But he needed a friend there...
It was a privalege to be there for him...
The service was lovely....
I called her 'MUMSY'..she was 85..her time had just come mate...
Lovely little wrinkled old lady that made you smile when you seen her..
...............Say hullo for us....Tell her her son loves and misses her to bits...
Her name's 'MARIE'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rest of the year has been ok....miss ya like heaps mate...never forgotten my friend...the pain is always with me...
-------------------------------
Got myself a Kombi bloke...bloody ripper it is too...choofles along and handles like a houseboat..perfect...
Still wars goin on around the planet...Oz is gettin a bit crowded....things don't look too shithot for the future...bumma..
Hope it's better where you are man......
-------------------------------
ME?...ugh...i'm ok...maggie worries over me heaps...i should take my meds...
But I think i'm still on the same page as the rest....just at a different angle....60 this year man...sheeet....thats olddddddddddddddd

love ya bro....

November - 2007
Another year gone mate....time passes by and your always there in my mind my friend....the pain has eased ever so slightly....
I think of where you would be today....the mind boggles at the thought..haha..maybe a clone of 'Alby Mangels'..haha
Not heard from anyone...no rush....the day will arrive...
----------------------------------
Here i am..60...damn..I made it...few never thought i would, Even me bloke...scary times over the past few years..
I was going to get you to put in a good word for me up there.....
--------------------------------
All is well with everyone here mate...Kelz is living up in Townsville now, down on the strand..perfect view of the beach...
(how strange to be there...)
Ashley and Carina...a lovely couple, I'm glad things worked out for Ash......Shelle and her family are going ok...proud of all of them mate..
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Kym says G'day...
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I'm always here...
ooroo bloke...

February - 2008
Time passes by...the pain slightly eases..not much tho..your always on my mind my friend...
A new year..hmmm..world is really up shit creek without a paddle bloke..your not missing much...ha.
Not much left of my 50 year old ponytail dude...sort of more of a 'whisp'..and the dome is used for skating practice by bugs..oh dear...
anyways.....somewhere about mate..always..

June - 2008
Damm..time does fly bloke...how ya doin up there? ..wherever.....scares the hell out of me man..
Everything's cruisin along down here..haven't heard from anyone..
one day...
Kelly is getting married...(he's a murrie too)..nice bloke though..bout bloody time too..was living up north..moving back down now..
I see a bub on the way...
Dave and his missus have moved up here..got themselves a nice little home out bush..
he had a couple of heart attacks not long back...scared the shit out of us all..but he's ok...he's cruisin now..just dropped down a gear..
I'm ok mate....62 this year..sheeeeeeet....thas old man...
But...think i still got it together....most anyway..couple sheep short in the top paddock maybe..or their just a little lost..ha

oroo mate...later..

and remember!..there is no dark side of the moon..It's all dark.

Sept - 2008
Days and months go by mate, but your always in my thoughts....this a dam long hurt i got here bloke....

Dec - 2008
Thnigs are not too good....poor ole Willy passed away new years eve...sad times all round mate...say g'day to him when he gets up there...wherever that is...
take him fishin....go rabbit hunting..few ferrets..he loved doing that..
fk we miss him...miss you too mate...never forgotten...

Feb - 2009
Not a lot goin on bloke...pretty quiet beginning to the year..spose thats good news huh...
I'm still breathing....drawer full of puffers and pills..oh well..shit happens..

March - 2009
well that went by quick...

April - 2009
you got april fools day up there?

'Wish You Were Here Mate'

Rest in Peace..Stay Comfortably Numb my friend..